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I have goals in so many different areas it's hard not to feel like I haven't kept up in all the areas, because every so often I just get this dragging-down feeling. I don't know what it is, and there are random triggers - music, certain songs, places, smells, items... it's like a feeling of non-specific nostalgia, except it's in no way pleasant. For Lent I vowed to give up negativity, and it's been going very well I might add... I'm doing pretty good just sucking it up and pushing through things, letting my negative opinions of folks just roll off my back if that person doesn't truly matter to me, just... moving forward in creating a better life for myself, and in that sense I'm doing better. It works wonders. My memory is improving, I'm like a fucking machine at work and lots of people are impressed with me, I'm more efficient in multi-tasking, organizing, getting things done on time... I don't know, I could list a bunch of things.
I guess what's bothering me is the lack of community I feel. I used to have a group of "friends", I'll call them... everyone knows that crashed and burned but the only thing that bugs me about that is that people were fake, and their goals were nonexistent. Where is everyone's drive to better themselves? Where is their ambition? The only people I've really ever had problems with are people who were fake and lied, or people who were too content in their present state to want to better themselves, take a look on the inside and realize rights and wrongs, use a little bit more brain power than is required to watch tv just to figure out some basics about a situation. I'm tired of running into stupid people who are irresponsible. I mean sure, call me "irresponsible." I party, I drink, I smoke once in a while, I used to get high pretty often, things like that... but I still grew. I'm not afraid to admit my mistakes, and that's where people fall. If you can't admit to your mistakes, how can you ever LEARN from them?
I'm not perfect. But I TRY to be. I'll get as close as possible. Am I really alone in this goal? Is it pointless? Am I taking a road that will single me out to being a wandering elitist? I'd love to say "no", but I'm afraid that's not the case. Will that stop me? No.
...But anyway, it's whatever - I keep trucking on, no matter what. I'm going after what I want and no one is going to stop me. I'm spoiled because I spoil myself and nothing, no one, is about to get in my way and "humble" me into giving that up, and for what? Oh pleaseee. I'm still excited for the future despite hardships. And you know what else I'm excited for?
SIR OBAMA'S STIMULUS CHECK.
Whether you voted for him or not, how can you NOT be excited? You're getting money for not doing SHIT. I for one plan to use that money in a responsible way... and by taking care of responsibilities, that leaves room for frivolous expenses, hahaha! I mean... that's what the check is FOR, anyway. If I'm not worried sick about money, I can spend more, which means boosting the economy!
In other news, I'm on chapter 3 of Eternal Sonata. It's still decently interesting. The character development is so-so, I really just live for the fights because I kick the shit out of mobs and bosses without a single character dropping dead. Then again, I can't really brag because Eternal Sonata isn't a hard game... now, FF4 is causing me a bit of a time. Old school games = harder to beat, general rule. I haven't played in 3 or so weeks because I've been focused on xbl and playing Halo 3 with Kevin, Brandon, Ken, and then other new friends I've made on there... but I'm still leveling and trying to beat this boss when Cecil and his group go back to the what do you call it castle - I'm leveling in the ancient waterway. The boss requires some strategy to beat, not just incessant pounding with attacks, and I think I've figured that out. I think I'll attempt it during my lunch break tomorrow at work. I'm slowly losing interest in WoW... actually quickly... since all my friends surpassed me during that time that my laptop was down. For the sake of leveling faster, I thought of switching my toons to a PVE server, returning to Arthas at 80, but the server is so fucking populated I may end up stuck on another server, having done all that for nothing. I just want to play with my friends. And since it seems NO ONE wants to run old 70 instances, I'm fucked. I'd have my boyfriend run me but he quit =P fag. He's all over this game called Darkfall now.
Well this has been quite a long entry so I'm going to wrap it up and go play something. WoW, Eternal Sonata, Halo 3, I don't know. I feel bad. Every time I get on I get like 5-6 requests to play and I have to just choose one because I hate leaving in the middle of a good streak of games. Sorry guys (if you're reading) we'll play soon!
My dad gets back from Trinidad tonight. As I write, he's flying from Houston TX to DC. YEY THE CAMERA RETURNS! And he comes bearing gifts... yesssss. Okay, okay, I said I'm going. BYE.
P.S.
I GOT AN IPOD NANO 8GB IN BLACK, WOOOO
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